


No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

by doujinbag



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adopted Children, Adoption, Domestic, Fluff, Levi cusses a lot when he's pissed, M/M, Marriage, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 04:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3677970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinbag/pseuds/doujinbag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Eren first brings up the idea of kids, Levi is unnerved at best. The day they bring home their new daughter, Levi's hands grip onto the steering wheel out of anxiety so tightly that his fingers go numb. When baby Petra turns five and Eren sees the wide smile on his husband's face, he thinks maybe Levi is more fit to be a father than either of them ever thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

**Author's Note:**

> I got bored and wanted to write a sweet thing ????yeah  
> (Rated T for extremely unnecessarily excessive use of "fuck". Thanks, Levi.)

It’s a humid Friday night in April and one particular little house on the corner of Maria and Rose is one more kitchen accident away from burning down. The entire place currently smells like burnt cookies and smoke, and both Eren and Levi are running around the house, opening up every window that exists in order to waft it all out.

“God damn it!” Levi curses at the incessantly beeping fire alarm above their heads. “Eren, can you shut that fucking thing off?”

“Why can’t you? I’m trying to scrape these cookies off the pan–”

“We both know there’s no way in hell I can ever fucking reach the ceiling, for fuck’s sake, leave those godforsaken things alone for now and just shut that thing up.”

Eren groans and walks underneath the loud alarm, reaching a single arm up to press the button on the side of it. In response to the ceasing of the insulting noises, Levi sighs in relief and presses his forehead against the cold glass of the window. “Well, that turned out fantastically,” he deadpans.

“It’s not _that_ bad,” Eren offers.

“I can’t believe you let me turn the oven up to five-hundred fucking degrees.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t read the instructions.”

Levi huffs in response and stares at the dark street outside, tapping his fingers slowly on the windowsill. Without another word, Eren makes his way behind the shorter man and wraps his arms around his waist, kissing the back of his head. “I love you,” he says quietly, trailing his hands down to grasp Levi’s in them. He runs his thumb over the wedding band on Levi’s ring finger and hums, keeping his face buried in Levi’s neck. “It’ll be three years next week, you know,” he whispers.

“You say it as if I could forget,” Levi says, rolling his eyes. “I may not read directions on cookie mix boxes, but I can’t forget our anniversary.”

“Mhm, I know, babe. I was just saying.” Eren pulls Levi away from the window and over to the couch, getting Levi to sit on his lap as he relaxes against the soft tan cushions. “One day we’ll be able to make cookies without almost calling 911, I promise,” he giggles. Levi simply glares at him with death in his eyes, but Eren only laughs a little louder at that.

They’re quiet for a while after that; Levi actually closes his eyes and leans against Eren’s chest with his arms wrapped around the brunet’s torso, a sign that he’s not nearly as upset as he let on. Eren finds himself stroking his fingers through Levi’s hair, being sure to rub his fingertips over the shorter hairs of his undercut at a slow pace. Levi can feel Eren’s breathing stutter more than once and he wants to ask him what’s wrong, but he’s been with him for long enough to know that if Eren wants to talk about something that’s on his mind, he will in due time.

Eight minutes is all it takes for the younger man to finally crack, letting out a heavy breath as he exhales suddenly. “How do you feel about adopting?” he blurts out.

“Huh?” Levi lifts his head up to look at Eren better, blinking confusion out of his eyes. “What?”

“Like. Having kids. Being dads. How do you… like… what’s your opinion on– on that?”

Levi stares at Eren for a long while before shaking his head, looking down at his lap as he coughs into his arm out of discomfort. He doesn’t want to answer that question, so he simply ignores it and shifts his brain back into business mode. “I need to clean those shitty cookies off the baking sheet,” he huffs at last. He hops off Eren’s lap, trudges into the kitchen, and hopes the topic won’t be touched again for a long while.

-

About a month or so later, Eren brings it up again at the dinner table. He knows very well Levi would never waste a perfectly good meal no matter how mad he is, so this seems to be the only time he can find to actually talk about it. He _needs_ to talk about it.

“Levi,” he says slowly, fingers running up and down the side of his wine glass, “can we talk?”

“Of course we can. What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I just– I don’t want you to get mad.”

“Are you cheating on me?”

“What? No!”

“Planning on leaving me to join the circus?”

“No?”

“Do you have fantasies of stabbing me in my sleep?”

“What the fuck? Levi, _no.”_

“Okay, then I’m not going to get mad. Spill it.” Levi cuts off a piece of the grilled salmon on his plate and lifts it to his mouth, and Eren decides to wait until Levi’s swallowed his food so he doesn’t choke. He can’t help himself, however, and ends up nearly _yelling_ it in a sudden panicked rush as Levi drinks some of his wine.

“We really need to talk about the question I had before about kids. Levi, we need to talk about it. Please!”

Levi holds his napkin over his mouth so he doesn’t spit out all his wine onto the table. He doesn’t take his eyes off his husband as he tries to form a proper answer in his head, but that doesn’t exactly work. He’s simply too blunt for his own good. “All I can say is no.”

He regrets his words as soon as they leave his mouth, watching guiltily as something in Eren’s eyes breaks. “Oh,” he says quietly. “Oh.” He looks down at his plate and pushes his food around with his fork slowly, gulping back whatever emotions he can feel bubbling in his throat. “Sorry.”

“Eren, no, wait a minute,” Levi sighs. “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, I just–”

“No, I get it. It’s fine. I… get that you don’t want kids. It’s fine. That’s fine. It’s rude of me to think you’d be perfectly okay with it.”

“Come on, Eren,” Levi says. “We can… talk about it.” No answer. “Eren?” Eren just stares at his wine glass, almost as if he thinks it’ll break if he stares at it long enough. “Don’t make me break out the nicknames, Eren fucking Jaeger. You know damn well I’ll do it if you don’t say anything.” Silence. Levi sighs and begins cooing, _“Mon amour,_ don’t be like that. Precious prince? Baby green eyes?” Eren’s head moves slightly in acknowledgement of the gentle words but still, he continues to pout like a child. Ironic. “…Erebear?”

Eren finally looks up at Levi on that and it’s hard for him to frown for too much longer. “God damn it,” he curses. “Why did you have to use that one?”

“Because I know it works, you cheesy little brat.” Levi smirks and Eren sticks the tip of his tongue out at him, crossing his arms. “Now, really, I’m sorry. We can talk about it, yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m saying we can have a conversation about our opposing views, not that I want to have a kid.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right. Uhm…” Eren scratches the back of his neck and shovels some more food into his mouth before it can get cold as he thinks of a way to properly start speaking. “…So, as you must be gathering from my questions, I think I’d like to… have kids. With you. Obviously. Uh… I dunno, I guess I’ve thought about it for a long time and since we’ve been married a few years now… yeah?”

Levi continues eating slowly as he processes Eren’s words, quickly picking up on how wary Eren is being. “I see,” he says, pursing his lips. “Eren, don’t get me wrong; I think you’d be an utterly amazing father to a child.” He presses his fingers to his temples and closes his eyes tightly as he admits, “It’s just that I’d be one of the shittiest dads to ever walk this earth.”

“Levi, don’t say that,” Eren says. “That’s not true.”

“It is and you know it.” Levi finishes off the last of his salmon and exhales through his nose. “I can’t even make fucking cookies without nearly destroying our whole house in the process, what in hell’s name makes you think I would be able to take care of an actual human life?”

“Well, you’re doing a pretty good job taking care of _me,”_ Eren says with a sheepish smile.

“You’re a grown adult, despite how much you tend to act like you’re six. You know how to handle yourself. I simply care for you the way any lover would. Being a husband is different than being a dad.” Levi pushes his plate a few inches away from himself so he can rest his elbows on the table and put his chin in his hands. “I don’t think I’d be a good influence in a kid’s life either. I curse too fucking much– point proven right there, I clean so much that they’d probably inhale Windex and die or some shit, and I– come on, Eren, we all know how… _aggressive_ I am.” Levi gets quieter at that last part, refusing to stare his partner in the eye.

He feels a pair of arms wrap around his shoulders– not as strong as his own, but still quite a powerful embrace– but he doesn’t bother moving in to the touch. He feels too ashamed. “You’re nothing like your shitface of an uncle, Levi,” Eren says. “Don’t even worry about that.”

“It’s inevitable, isn’t it? It’s like a cycle. The- the people like me always become people like him in the end, and–”

“Shh, no, no,” Eren says, combing his fingers through Levi’s hair. “No, that’s not true, love. It only happens if you let it happen. You are kind-hearted and you know it. If anything, I have more outward anger issues than you do; you internalize most of it.”

“Yeah, until I snap at the worst moment.”

“I think most everyone does that.” Eren kisses Levi’s forehead and looks him in the eye. “Tell me, is that the only reason you said no?”

“Mostly, I suppose.”

“So if I was somehow able to one-hundred percent guarantee you that that’s never going to happen, what would you say?”

“I’d say… likely. Closer to yes than just ‘maybe’.”

Eren smiles and squeals a bit, kissing Levi’s cheek excitedly. “So will you think about it? About adopting?!”

“I… I’ll think about it, yes. Not guaranteeing a ‘yes’ at all, though, so _please,_ Eren, please don’t get your hopes up.”

“No worries, babe!” Eren grins and gives Levi a grand kiss before taking their dirty dishes into the kitchen and putting them in the dishwasher. “We’re gonna try making cookies again tonight!”

“Oh, _wonderful.”_

-

Months pass, and while the aching question continues to burn at the surface of Eren’s mind essentially every day, he keeps himself from asking. He doesn’t want to bother Levi, doesn’t want to pressure him. He simply awaits an answer that some days, feels like it will never come. This all changes on Christmas.

They go through their usual traditions– forcing Levi into an obnoxious holiday sweater, going to a large gift swap at Hanji’s house, having a little celebration for Levi’s birthday with their friends, eating unburnt cookies that _other people_ make for them, among other things– but at night, as they curl up on the rug in front of their little fireplace, Levi whispers something in Eren’s ear that changes everything.

“I’ve decided on an answer at last,” he says, trailing his fingers down Eren’s waist swiftly.

“You’ve– you what?”

“I’ve made up my mind. It took a while, I know, but… I’ve come to a conclusion,” Levi says. Eren holds his breath, closing his eyes as he expects to hear another “no”.

He’s never been so grateful to be wrong in his life.

“I do, in fact, think it’d be great to raise a child with you, Eren,” Levi whispers. “And I’m willing to.” Eren can hear Levi’s voice shaking and he feels his hands tremble as they come to a halt on Eren’s hips, but Eren ignores that as he squeals and rolls on top of Levi, straddling his hips with a smile on his face.

“I love you,” he says in an excited rush. “Thank you, thank you, I love you so much.”

“Don’t thank me,” Levi says, his hands finding their way to Eren’s thighs. “But I love you too, I really do.”

-

Levi never realized just how long it takes for the adoption process to go through. It seems like all he’s been doing for the past year is fill out paperwork. He doesn’t see what signing his name on a dotted line a hundred times over has to do with raising a child, but if that’s what it takes, he supposes he has to do it.

Then again, this is giving him too much time to consider backing out of it.

He’s still just as fucking terrified as he was when Eren first asked, if not _more._ A million different scenarios have played out in his head time and time again– what if he fucks up and yells too loud? What if he loses his temper too easily and accidentally _hurts_ their child? What if he’s not good enough at making them feel loved?

What if he can never be a good enough father?

He thinks about all these things whenever he’s alone, dwelling on the thoughts for hours at a time until he feels sick to his stomach and he can’t even type properly due to the shaking of his hands. However, he forgets this when he’s with Eren. When he has his husband at his side, he’s able to push those worries away even if only for a short amount of time. Every time Eren starts chattering about how excited he is that the process is finally going through, his eyes light up brighter than Levi’s ever seen. The last time Eren smiled so much was on their wedding day, and that says a _lot,_ Levi thinks.

He doesn’t want to disappoint Eren. He just wants him to be happy. He’s not backing out of this, not when everything seems to be falling into place for them so far. He can’t do that to Eren. Not now.

-

The date is March twenty-second when at last, they take their new daughter home for the first time. All the paperwork has gone through, their meetings with the young girl have been successful, and with more than enough qualifications being met, the Shiganshina Adoption Agency has apparently deemed them ready to become official parents on this day.

Petra is three and a half, silky strawberry blonde hair falling just below her chin. She loves anything and everything to do with nature and she’s already grown accustomed to hugging Eren’s leg tightly and not letting go.

During the car ride home, she calls Levi _Papa._

“You my new Papa!” she exclaims happily, pointing a chubby finger at Levi in the driver’s seat. “And you my Daddy!” She points at Eren with that exclamation, and Levi can see Eren’s heart practically melting out of his chest. “And I… I’m… I’m you… your…”

“Daughter,” Eren says in a gentle tone. “You’re our daughter now, Petra.”

Eren nearly starts crying at Petra’s tiny sound of upbeat approval and all Levi can do is pat his hand. “You’re a dad now,” he says quietly to the brunet.

“No,” Eren says, shaking his head. “We both are.”

Levi doesn’t say anything to that. However, when he catches a glance of Petra falling asleep in her carseat through the rearview mirror, he feels his heart warm. This is their family now, he tells himself. This is how it’s going to be.

Fuck if he isn’t terrified.

-

Levi acknowledges how good Eren is with his daughter– _their_ daughter, he has to remind himself, although it doesn’t feel right to say that when Eren’s the one doing all the work. Whenever Petra falls over, needs help going potty, takes a bubble bath, when she wants a bedtime story read to her, when she gets a bad cough and needs to take that “yucky medicine”, it’s always Eren who takes care of her. Levi shuts himself up in his study and tries to drown out the sounds of responsibilities echoing in his head with more coffee.

But, as fate would have it, Eren’s at the grocery store one day when Petra trips and scrapes her knee on the wooden stairs. She bursts into tears, whimpering and sobbing frantically while holding her tiny leg to her chest. Levi’s heart breaks at it and he suddenly realizes _he actually has to be a dad now._

He hurries down the stairs to where his little girl is huddled at and scoops her up in his arms, carrying her to the bathroom to get the first-aid kit.

“It hurts, Papa, my knee hurts,” she cries, rubbing her eyes with little fists.

“I know, Petra,” Levi says calmly, getting the tube of Neosporin and a small bandage out of the kit. “Just stay still, okay? Papa’s gonna put a Band-Aid on it and then we can ice it up so it doesn’t hurt anymore, yeah?”

“Y-yeah…” Petra sniffles and watches as her Papa takes care of her knee, putting the Neosporin on the slightly bleeding scratch with precision and covering it right up with the Hello Kitty-patterned Band-Aid. “Th-thank you, Papa,” she stammers. As he stands up again after putting the kit back under the sink, she reaches up for him and grabs at the air repeatedly until he understands that she wants to be picked up.

He holds her close to his chest as he takes her downstairs to the kitchen, where she’s set down on the counter as Levi grabs an ice pack from the freezer. He wraps it up in a dish towel and presses the pack to her knee gently. “Is it too cold?”

“No,” Petra answers. “It’s just right.” She smiles and looks at Levi, their eyes making complete eye contact for the first time. “I love you, Papa.”

All it takes is those four words for Levi’s heart to soften, his eyes losing their default sharpness and filling up with warm light. “I love you too, Petra,” he whispers hoarsely, hugging his daughter– yes, this is right, _his_ daughter– close and kissing her forehead. He can feel himself choking up and focuses so much on holding back tears that he doesn’t hear Eren walk in.

As Eren sets the grocery bags down on the kitchen floor, he stops in his tracks to admire the scene before him. He’s the only one who ever sees a few tears stray down Levi’s cheeks and into Petra’s soft hair.

-

They’re all sitting at the breakfast table one Sunday morning, a book in Levi’s hands and a phone in Eren’s, as Petra works on eating her beloved Fruity Pebbles. Levi’s had to warn her several times now to make sure she doesn’t splash milk all over the table, but that hasn’t exactly prevented her from getting tiny drops of milk all around her bowl and dribbling down her chin.

“Don’t make a mess, Petra,” Levi warns for the umpteenth time in five minutes.

“Milk is yummy! Messes can be _fun,_ Papa,” Petra says.

“Listen to your Papa,” Eren says, not taking his eyes away from his phone.

“Okaaaayyyy,” Petra sighs. She finishes eating her cereal and tries to lift the bowl to her mouth to drink the milk from it _(something she’s seen silly people do on funny TV shows),_ but she accidentally misses her mouth _completely,_ resulting in a puddle of milk spilling all over the table. Luckily, it doesn’t get Levi’s book wet at all, but he still jumps from his chair with an irate look in his eye. Eren watches Levi with wide eyes, anxious to see how he’ll react. Petra stares at her Papa as well, her lower lip trembling at seeing the way his eyebrows furrow angrily.

“Petra…” Levi says through clenched teeth, trying his best to breathe.

“I’m sorry, Papa!” Petra says. “I’m very really very sorry!”

He takes a few deep breaths before going into the kitchen. Eren is afraid Levi might be losing it before suddenly, he comes back with a towel in his hand.

“We’re just gonna clean this mess up,” he says quietly, more to himself than anyone else. Quickly, he soaks up all the milk with the towel in his hand before throwing the towel in the kitchen sink and kissing Petra’s temple. “Accidents happen.”

Eren smiles to himself and resumes scrolling through his emails on his phone, his heart skipping only a couple beats out of utter happiness.

-

By the time Petra’s fifth birthday rolls around, Levi is a completely different person than he was a couple of years prior. He’s no longer scared to father their little girl, to take care of her in any way that she needs and share everything equally with Eren. Some days, they don’t get any alone time until very late at night when they’re both too tired to do _anything,_ but they don’t mind. They wouldn’t give up their situation for the world.

Mikasa makes Petra’s birthday cake for her and brings it over to the tiny party, full of family and friends that Petra loves equally. “Auntie ‘Kasa!” she yells loudly when Mikasa walks into their house with Sasha right behind her. “Is that a _cake?”_

“You know it is,” she says with a wink. “However, we might have to be quick with eating it. Aunt Sasha likes food just a little too much, you know.”

“I remember!” Petra declares proudly. “She ate the _entire cake_ at your wedding.”

“Not the _whole_ thing,” Sasha defends, which makes Petra laugh loudly. Levi walks into the room and leans against the wall, giving a small wave at Mikasa as she sets the cake in the center of the dining table. Eren runs out to greet everyone soon enough, letting Levi wrap an arm around his torso.

“You look stressed, _mon amour,”_ Levi whispers in his ear.

“I’m okay,” he says. “Just making sure everyone gets here on time.”

Soon enough, everyone _is_ there, and Petra runs off with all the other children to go play in the backyard after feasting upon cake and ice cream. Jean and Marco’s son, Auruo, and Armin and Annie’s children, Gunter and Erd, all go to hang on the little swingset set up in the yard, Petra twirling around in the slowly falling snowflakes. Levi’s slightly worried that they might freeze, but he knows that he made sure they all had their coats, scarves, and gloves on before letting them outside, so the worry soon fades away.

He doesn’t realize how long he’s been standing at the kitchen door watching them skip around until Eren sneaks up behind him, pressing a warm kiss to his neck. “It’s magical, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“This. Us. Our family,” Eren whispers dreamily.

“Of course it is,” Levi replies. “I love you. I love Petra, I love this house, I love our life together. I never want anything to change.” He turns around and kisses Eren softly, sensually, perhaps for a longer amount of time than they have in a long while.

“She’ll be starting kindergarten next year, that’s hard for me to believe,” Eren says in awe after pulling away. “Time flies.”

“You sound like an old man.”

“That’d make you a _super_ old man, though,” Eren teases. He kisses the tip of Levi’s nose and smiles at him, resting his head on his shoulder. “I really love you. I love you so much.”

Mikasa walks into the room just then, but before Levi can snap at her for killing the mood, she opens her mouth to bring them both good news. “Sash and I can take Petra tonight if you want,” she says. “We don’t mind. Besides, we’ve wanted to take her to the aquarium for a while now anyways.”

“She’d love that, thank you,” Eren says happily.

“I’m doing it for you guys too, you know,” she says absentmindedly, cutting herself another piece of cake. “God knows you need the alone time.”

“Yeah, I guess we do,” Eren nods. “Thank you. If she’s any trouble at all, just call–”

 _“Eren,”_ Mikasa laughs quietly. “It’s _fine,_ really. Don’t worry about a thing.”

That night, once everyone goes home and Mikasa and Sasha take Petra back to spend the night at their house, Levi and Eren clean up the house together, throwing paper plates and pieces of cake dropped on the floor into garbage bags in order to get the place in sparkling condition. At last, when the house is at its normal cleanly state, Levi relaxes on the sofa, spreading out and taking up all of it with his body.

“Hey,” Eren says, walking over to stand next to his husband. “Today was really fun. I love you.” He moves so that he’s sitting on Levi now, one of his legs on either side of Levi’s hips. “Mikasa’s right though, I _have_ missed our alone time…”

“Me too,” Levi says quietly, sitting up so that their faces are centimeters apart, Eren’s legs wrapping around Levi completely now. “And I love you, too.”

They kiss for hours before going any further, not in a rush to do anything too fast. Once the night comes to a close and Eren curls up into Levi, drawing circles on his bare chest with his finger, Levi can feel something inside of him that he’s been feeling for a while now but hasn’t paid attention to until now.

He feels whole.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://spookymileskane.tumblr.com) / [instagram](http://instagr.am/and.a.smile)


End file.
